


All too much

by turtles_to_the_max



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-07 02:36:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18401423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtles_to_the_max/pseuds/turtles_to_the_max
Summary: Sirius just discovered Regulus's body in an abandoned shed, and is right now not in the best state.Luckily, there's always someone he can go to.(i'm bad at summaries)(by the way: this takes place in early 1980, so Harry wasn't born yet)





	All too much

James was leaning against the window of his house, bored, when there was a knock on the door.

He jumped. How could it be? The Fidelius Charm should have protected the house from appearing to anyone. Had Voldemort somehow gotten around it? Had they been betrayed? How had he been leaning so casually against the window when he could have been seen by anyone? He had to defend the house -

He had grabbed his wand and was halfway to the door when he realized that Voldemort wouldn't be knocking on the door. Feeling stupid, he tucked his wand back into his pocket and went to the door.

"Hey," he said, opening it. "Wait - Padfoot? What are you doing here?"

Sirius swallowed and looked up at James, who couldn't help but notice that Sirius's eyes were red-rimmed, with deep bags underneath. "Prongs?" he asked, his voice shaky. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," James replied. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'll tell you later," Sirius mumbled.

James said nothing, but led simply led Sirius around to the back of the house, where they settled onto a bench. Sirius slumped onto James's shoulder; James put his arm around Sirius and pulled him a little closer, where they stayed for a while.

"So," he murmured eventually, "what's going on?"

Sirius heaved a long sigh. "You remember my younger brother? Regulus?"

"Vaguely," James replied. "He was Seeker for Slytherin, wasn't he?"

"Yeah," Sirius said. "So, about a year ago, he joined Voldemort's Death Eaters."

James sat straight upright. "He did what?"

"He was talking about it a few months before, about how Muggle-borns were even worse than Muggles and needed to be eradicated and blood purity needed to be restored and whatever, how Voldemort had all the right ideas. And then... he actually went ahead and did it."

"Oh," said James softly. "So is he still in?"

"That's the thing," Sirius said. "About a month ago, he showed up all white and shaking, said he didn't want to be a part of it anymore, wanted to help bring about Voldemort's downfall." He smiled grimly. "My parents didn't like that at all. They told him that once you signed up, you stayed in, that he was just as bad as I was, that they didn't want him for a son anymore. He even turned to me for help... I think that's the first time he'd ever talked to me like a friend since we were kids."

"And?"

Sirius took a deep breath, then exhaled again. He was quiet for a while.

"Sirius? What is it?"

"Yesterday, I found his body in an abandoned shed." The words came too quickly, spilling out of Sirius all at once. He slumped forwards, head buried in his hands, a sob escaping his chest.

James wrapped an arm around Sirius, gently squeezing his shoulder.

Sirius hugged James back; James stayed there and let Sirius cry into his shoulder for a while. _I'm here, Padfoot._

"Thanks," said Sirius finally, his voice still thick. "It's weird, since I hated him for most of my life anyways, but... that night was different. If you had seen him... well, I guess my brother instincts had to kick in eventually." He sighed. "I guess I always assumed that I would be the one to die first, since I was the older one, the risk-taker, the black sheep of my family... but no, it was my ever-perfect little brother who was the first to go." His voice turned bitter. "I'll bet you anything Mum's right now trying to figure out a way that it was my fault he went wrong, she could never accept that her perfect son was in any way flawed. Unlike me..."

"No," said James. "She can't. You're worth more than that. Your brother's death wasn't your fault. It was his choice he did... whatever he did."

"Yeah," Sirius said, still looking depressed. "You remember that time when he was trying to get me to cheer for him instead of you during the Quidditch final?"

"Oh yeah," James replied. "That was a weird day..."

_The Gryffindor team captain is shaking hands with the Slytherin captain. 16-year-old James taps his foot impatiently, eager for the match to start. He glances up at the stands, where 16-year-old Sirius, wearing a scarlet lion scarf, waves to him; James waves back. The movement does not go unnoticed by the smallest Slytherin player, a dark-haired boy of about 14, who jumps off his broom to glare up at the stands. Sirius grins insolently and waves to him, too, slinging the Gryffindor scarf over his shoulder._

_The boy does not take kindly to this. Grabbing his broom, he runs up into the stands, ignoring the protests from his teammates and Madam Hooch. Sirius sighs and stands up, making his way towards the boy. By now, most of the team is watching, some yelling for him to come back down, some just watching bemusedly. All except for James, who shoulders his broom and runs after the boy._

_By the time he reaches them, the boy and Sirius are in a heated debate. "I'm your brother!" the boy keeps yelling._

_Sirius spots James and looks relieved. "Could you please explain to my brother here that water runs thicker than blood, in this case?"_

_"Um... who are you again?" James asks._

_"Regulus Arcturus Black," the boy announces proudly, drawing himself up. "Of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, one of the Sacred 28 pure-blood families, and Seeker for the Slytherin team."_

_"Yeah, I can see why you don't like him," James remarks to Sirius._

_The boy screams and flings his broom onto the ground. There is an ominous cracking noise, but the boy barely glances at it._

_"Sirius!" he yells. "I'm your brother! And now you're choosing some school friend over me? We're family! We're supposed to be there for each other!"_

_Sirius snorts. "You're one to talk, Regulus. If I was on the Gryffindor team and you didn't play, you'd be over on the Slytherin side and not giving a crap."_

_"But I - "_

_"Look, just go away, would you? I'm a Gryffindor. My best friends are all Gryffindors. Mum probably disowned me years ago anyways. I'm staying on James's side, thank you very much."  Sirius gives James a quick peck on the cheek and goes back to his seat._

_James grins at Sirius and walks back down to the Quidditch pitch. The boy grabs his broom and storms off, fuming. When he arrives at the bottom, his captain pulls him aside and starts scolding him. The Gryffindor team bursts out laughing, especially when James mimes throwing his broom to the ground and stomping on it. Madam Hooch runs over, but only starts yelling at Regulus as well._

_Regulus's face is by now a brilliant scarlet. He screams, twists out of Madam Hooch's grip, storms over to the Gryffindor team and punches James in the face._

  _The crowd roars. James doubles over, clutching his nose, while a few of his teammates fight to get to Regulus. Professor McGonagall and Professor Slughorn run onto the pitch as well, wands drawn, both yelling. The Slytherins have by now lined up behind Regulus, their arms folded threateningly; the Gryffindors surround James, supporting him._  
  
_As James tries and fails to stop the bleeding, Sirius runs down to where James is fighting back tears (Regulus definitely knows how to throw a punch) and puts an arm around him, glaring at his brother. Until he sees that Regulus has fallen to his knees, face buried in his hands..._

"Yeah," Sirius said, breaking through the memory. "Anyways, I was thinking about that, and... James, what if it really was my fault? If I had only been a better brother - "

"If you had been a 'better brother', you would have joined the Death Eaters along with him," James said firmly. "Sirius, listen. Your family had been drilling the pure-blood stuff into him from birth, and the only reason you were so distant is that you weren't stupid enough to believe it. Regulus made his own decisions, it wasn't your fault he decided to join Voldemort."

Sirius sighed. "You really think so?"

"Sirius.  _Yes._ Listen, Padfoot..." James put an arm around Sirius, leaning over to murmur in his ear. "You are the best person I know, and probably the best person I ever will know, and also the last person who would become a Death Eater I know. You and Regulus were different people, and thank goodness for that, too. Blaming yourself for your brother's death isn't going to bring him back. "

"No, but - really?" Sirius started to tense up again, curling into himself.

James wheeled Sirius around so he was looking James in the eyes. "Sirius, what have I been telling you for the past ten minutes? It. Wasn't. Your. Fault. Please, Padfoot, don't lose yourself in guilt that you don't deserve."

"I - I guess." Sirius sighed a little, relaxing again. "Thanks, Prongs."

"Any time, Padfoot." 

Sirius leaned against James, who wrapped an arm around him, his head leaning against Sirius's. They stayed there for a while, each just feeling the warmth from the other's body. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you can read this, i'm not done


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